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The community was very taken aback when my wife yelled at me. To my surprise, those who witnessed the incident held me responsible for the failed trip. Some showed their disgust for me at how irresponsible I was and believed my wife’s allegations that I do always cheat on her. I tried to calm her down, but she could not stop her anger and even went ahead to sneer conjugal rights.
Onlookers gazed at me as they obviously knew pretty well about all my faults. They felt that my wife had had enough until she would yell at her husband in public. They could not tolerate or listen to my innocent pleads at all. After the incident, I went home and consoled myself that everything would get in track after she had cooled down. This would prove untrue since her rage went on for as long as two weeks where she denied me every husband rights, and I had to cook for myself and go without sex. By the end of the second week, I was devastated and was mentally destroyed. I could not keep it any longer, and my wife seemed to enjoy my situation silently. This made things even worse, and I thought of seeking sex outside my marriage. However, after having talked to a friend, he advised me to visit a family counsellor to see the best way to look into the matter without hurting our marriage.
The psychiatrist recommended a therapy that I followed for the needed time. I had to admit it helped significantly. It erased my thoughts about leaving my wife. I was relieved that I had regained trust with my family and could continue living with them without much hitch and bitterness for the family.
Observations and Reflections
After the visit to the psychiatrist, I was marvelled at how useful some of these institutions could be to the society. I thought of many options concerning my future with my wife and family which included divorce as well. However, this thought changed after the therapy, and I appreciated the specialist and wished that there were more of them in order each person to be able to get a needed help. More affordable ones should be put up with the various crusaders for the sake of those who cannot afford to pay the ones available.
After a long thought on how much the therapy had changed my family, I wondered how many other families had crumbled due to lack of the services because of their high price lists. Before I came to this particular counsellor, I had searched for long, and those available were very costly, and I had no option but to follow them to save my family.
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Generally, I observed that the society does not have well-organised institution for such issues. The family being the basic unit of the society should be well protected from any forces that could influence or destroy it. The perception that men being insulted by their wives in public is always a men’s fault has contributed largely to the deterioration of the institutions. They think that the big solution to the falling families is faithfulness, and anything is attributed to this factor. This leads to the concerned people not consider putting up the institution for low earning people.
Family care has been a neglected area by governments and non-governmental organisations (Moore, 2008). Religious leaders have taken this role since they are the only psychologists who are in constant touch with the people. Some of them have studied theology and psychology to help in the building up of the society (Nicolson, 2007). Despite their presence, it is unfortunate that some of them are incompetent and would give unhelpful information to the couple, thus providing an impotent channel. This has contributed to many breakups in the society which works against the social fabric (Gelb & Palley, 2009).
Financial strains in the society are one of the key factors that leads to the ruining of homes and families. Services such as counselling have become very expensive, and since only few can afford them, people resolve to follow other channels such as the use of elders to solve their differences (Moore, 2008). This is a very worrying trend since emotional and mental effects are never addressed in these channels. The bullied partner, therefore, is never satisfied with their partner, thus keeping on hurting things within them.
Lack of enough counsellors in the society is a big gap that needs to be filled. It is among the most important structures in the society that ensure that families remain strong and standing. These services should be availed to people at all levels since they may be struggling in the financial and political empowerment, but by leaving families to fall apart, we let our social milieu collapse.
It is also a new field that scholars can indulge into. The world economy at the moment is not at its best, and the rate of unemployment is in the increase. People should see an opportunity and utilise it to get income and at the same time save the society.
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Identify Extended Family Attitudes and Interaction
When the news of harassment by my wife had reached my parents, they were very angry with me and insisted that I had made the wrong choice marrying her. My mother called and told me to divorce my wife and get another one as I was still young, and my income was not very bad. My cousins from my father’s side were advocating for a divorce as well. However, my two aunties who are older than my father wanted to go and talk to my wife and tell her that what she had done was wrong. They visited my wife, and she accepted to change.
Her parents were not happy about what she had done as well. Her father was angry and warned her that the treatment she was giving me was very harsh because I had been honest and that anyone could miss money on the final day of a plan. However, her mother though that what she had done was the best thing. She would have done the same if she had she been in her daughter's shoes. This caught me by surprise because I thought that if I were my mother-in-law, I ought to have advised my daughter to take care of her husband. However, there was a general negative response from the members of my extended family, most of whom were on my side.
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My aunties’ intervention was successful, and she agreed to resume her duties to serve me and give me my conjugal rights. She apologised to them and promised not to repeat such actions. However, she demanded that the trip be reorganised to celebrate her 31st birthday. They convinced her to come with me to the counsellor, and she agreed freely.
Observations and Reflections
After the reactions from my extended family and my in-laws, I discovered that some of these in-laws could make me lose my family if I listened to them. Most of them wanted me to divorce my wife, but I resisted this thought as I was afraid that my children would suffer. Furthermore, I knew I loved my wife despite her weaknesses and misconduct. She had bore me my children, and for that, I was ready to keep her at all costs. However, at some point, I had thought of divorce and even wondered how I could be the only one who was right by deciding to keep her; while most of my relatives advised me to divorce.
Her mother’s reaction to the issue was very surprising. I thought that she would help and advise her daughter on the best way to keep a family and not how to destroy it. Her father was angry with her and wanted her to apologise to me and ensure that the marriage privileges I had were restored immediately to avoid causing more pain to me. I felt that he had a sense of truth and appreciated the fact that he could see that my money could bounce, which it did.
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I do appreciate that there are always good people who will always be there to heal the wounds and scars suffered in marriages. My aunties were very concerned and mediated during the whole process. They managed to make my wife see the sense of being a calm and responsible wife. My wife had to mature a lot and not overreact to small issues very vigorously. She had to learn to be cool and take everything easy to reduce embarrassment for me and my family. In case she is angry, she needs to wait until two of us are ready to a dialogue in order to get the best decision between the two of us.
The invitation of in-laws to solve family feuds may at times not help the marriage. The best thing is to understand each other in marriage and get a professional to help people embrace all mental issues together. This way, the invitation of mothers-in-law would be minimised. Non-partisan members of the society and more so professionals are the best people to use in such cases (Cook, 2009).
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There is a general trend that mothers-in-law and their daughters do not look at the aforementioned issues critically. This means that there is a sense of ownership where the mother would never go against her daughter. That is why wives are taking wrong information from their mothers and bringing it to their families. They want their current husbands to treat them the same way as their mothers are treated despite the financial capability of the young husband.
In-laws should be rarely invited to solve family issues, especially if they are expected to take a side. Taking sides could further deepen the problem, especially the mental one. Some of those who take sides are irrational and just force things to their way instead of giving everyone a sense of representation and fairness. Young people can therefore learn to use experts to effectively bridge their differences.
Despite their one-sidedness, it is important to consider only some members of the extended family. The selection of a certain member is vital since some of them reduces the probability of a fair judgement. My two aunties were irrational, and their approach was very mature as they tried to show my wife the best way to live together in harmony. Her mother was strongly opposed to me, and if she had been invited, she would have advocated for divorce. This bad influence should be avoided at all costs.
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