After the incident and torture from my wife, I was in dire need for some refreshment to forget what I had gone through. First, there was a disappointment that I would not have money for sometime as I thought that the shares would provide me with money. Secondly, I had a very strained relationship with my wife. I considered many options, but later I went to the psychiatrist who kept me under therapy. I did not want to do things on my own. My conveyance of the message concerning the trip cancellation had brought more problems than understanding.
When I came to the psychiatrist, he asked me if I could get any sport every day. I am a good cricketer, and this would have been my best game. The psychiatrist advised me to play every day until everything cooled down. I thought that I had the solution, but as I looked from all over, there was not a single cricket club in the area. I had to get an option. I loved darts and decided to join the local darts club where I was warmly welcomed. I found many men there who had heard of my story. Most of them were patting my back telling me how sorry they were and that everything would be alright. This is all I needed. From that first day, I started feeling myself again that I was not supposed to carry my burdens alone.
In two days, I had shaken off a significant load of my agonies and could enjoy sex with my wife. She was welcoming and somehow felt guilty of what had happened between us. I went to pray every morning and this restored some parity in my heavily shaken life. There was no problem in my accessing the social services or other amenities, and there was no restriction on how much time I spent there. There were always some people keeping company with me and telling their stories, some of which sounded more horrible than mine.
Observations and Reflections
I carefully thought of the reception that fellows gave me when I joined them in the darts club. It was rather warm, and I realised the big mistake that I had done by keeping my life revolving between work and family. The only other friends that I had were my fellow workmates and I learnt this after the incident that was not healthy for me. I needed to have people to share ideas beyond work and family. They always had jokes that made everything easy, and I feel that these are places that everyone needs to go.
The first day I went there, I was treated very warmly and friendly, and this has continued since then. I have been going there still, and the warmth has not reduced. I felt that such social places were the best for relaxing troubled mind since the society does not have a formal forum where referrals could be made. The forum has generated itself and is doing well to streamline the society. I have always wondered why the dart club is not there. I am very grateful for its presence and help.
Through every morning prayers, I have been able to feel at peace with nature. Religious groupings are the only social settings that are formally organized and approved by the society. These referral forums are however provided to people according to their wish as no one would refer you to them, apart from very informal settings where dart clubs or prayers are suggested. Otherwise, I feel that there is not as much referral infrastructure in the society at the moment.
People experiencing my problems often lose themselves and indulge in less productive and less safe activities such as excessive drinking (Nicolson, 2007). I feel that talking to people is one of many ways that would help one cope with big problems. Suicide or divorce is not the best way to solve a family issue, but following the channels available to try and bring sanity and sobriety between couples would be the best option (Moore, 2008). Slow and sure methods are considered the best since they give someone time to digest and make a rational decision on what to do next. They should be encouraged to everyone; though some people abuse them by overdoing what they pertain. These referral channels are better off when left informal rather than formalising them to give them their original taste and incorporate everyone who would be interested in.
Stressed up people should look up for the easiest options to relieve their stress without causing pain to those around them. This excludes excessive drinking and other unethical behaviours that lead to the disintegration of the society. Game-clubs should be available at all levels, and religious organisations ought to be freed from intimidation and discrimination. They are very essential in the society as they provide an environment that no other institution can offer.
Examine the Long-term Follow-up Processes and Their Role in Precluding Future Events
After the incident and therapy from my family therapist, things improved and I could live normally with my wife. It is also important to note that the social settings were also very vital in my recovery from the trauma. In the long-run, I was happy that everything was in the right track and that there were no more squabbles with my wife.
The absence of squabbles was not a normal thing in our marriage. I had been used to them every now and then, but she had never gone this far before in terms of violence. She had never denied me sex, and that was among the unique things that made the trip-cancellation episode even more severe. The effects of this were as well expected to be bigger thus I took more severe measures that any other time. The previous time we solved the case at the police level; hence, only bitterness was experienced that time. There was less mental torture and it had less mental consequences as compared to this recent incident.
The therapy was highly commendable and had both physical and psychological effects. Since then I have continued playing darts at the darts club which I enrolled, and I am a regular attendant to prayers, through which I have highly contributed to charity. Whenever I do charitable work, I remember the situation I had been in before I started attending prayers and do it even more generously. I have checked my shares since, and they are currently rising in price. My advisor is telling me that there is still time before I can get the maximum reap from the shares.
Experiences from the incident and the activities that followed to reduce the effects of the incident have taught me that everyone is significantly important, including those people whom I played darts with every day. Before the incident, I used to see them as time wasters and never taken them seriously. I think I have learnt a lot form them, and I am sure to keep their company for many years to come.
Observations and Reflections
The people we take less seriously and despise turn out to be among the most important in our lives. I thought and imagined what would have happened if the dart club had not been there during my time of agony. It was a time when most of my close relatives whom I could have counted on pressured me to get a divorce. I thought about them and discovered that those people who think emotionally and under a certain pressure do not make the right decisions. My cousins cared for me, but the advice they offered was not good for me and my wife. They cared about my life and my family, but the solution they offered was not the best.
The non-partisan people gave me the best advice. The psychiatrist was the best person too, but my fellow worshippers and dart players gave me moral support when my life seemed to crumble. They are among the people whom I thank everyday for their support and hope to retain them as life-time friends since I can say they saved my family when it was at the hem of collapsing.
People tend to disregard some people in the society. These people turn out to be among the most important in our lives. Groupings along classes and job descriptions are not healthy at all and may lead to missing up interesting and important things in life. Forums where there are different people together are the best (Dutton, 2006). In the dart club and my prayer meetings, there were people from all job descriptions and all level earners. These are the people that give one hope to live and appreciate who they are. They provide a complete society that would be converged nowhere else apart from forums of this kind. They seem to have had experiences of all kinds, and the way they have got out of them is interesting and can act as a resource to learn and copy (Haugen, 2004).
People who alienate themselves from other people due to their higher income lose a lot of fun by failing to interact with their lower class counterparts. They should realise that there is more to life and living than earning and class. Personally, after all I went through and the people who were of greater help to me, I feel that everyone is equal and important. Social groups should therefore be encouraged to form many of them and ensure that they interact with as many people as possible, not only when there are difficulties but also when there is calm, and everything seems to be in good order.
Describe the Sources of Funding and Processes
for Gaining Access to Funding
Financial constraints are among the key factors that lead to family violence. The increasing cost of living has demanded more earning for the working population in order to feed their families. I have an averagely paying job that earns me a living. After my first and second salaries, I wisely invested in bank shares that I thought would one day provide money for other investments. I am not a good business man and have never tried to start up a business. In this case, I decided to invest in shares since they will require less of my attention as I have no stake in the movement of the funds and their prices. There are many consultants that I could consult in order to make the best decisions on when to buy and when to sell. This has really worked for me and I am able to afford my family treats and surprises despite my average salary.
My wife runs a boutique, and she is good at business. She is rather knowledgeable about fashion and uses her diploma expertise to bring the best clothes to her customers. She provides food while I pay rent, fees, and other bills. This has really worked well for us since no one fails, but one time failure brought nearly unfathomable consequences. My sources of income are therefore limited, but with proper planning, I can manage efficiently with it and my wife’s boutique income.
Another source that I could get is through a loan from the bank. Though my salary qualifies to get a sizeable amount of loan, I could not get the loan since I was already re-paying a loan to my bank. I had spent the loan on buying my car. The only remaining slot for me to get a loan would be for an emergency, and I did not want to completely run my options out in case there was a need.
My wife could as well lend me money from her flourishing boutique business. Recently, she had stocked her boutique, and by the time her stock has run out, I will refund her money. Being a good business lady as she is, she believes that we were not supposed to do that. Furthermore, we had an agreement between the two of us never to lend money to each other, and if money is issued, there is no refund expected. She therefore would not lend me money due to the agreement.
Observations and Reflections
Lack of options in times of the need can be both humiliating and disastrous. I had only one option to get money which failed. I thought about what would have happened if there had been a more urgent issue that could not wait. This was a point that I thought critically about and decided that one should have adequate options to turn to in case one failed. If I had had this option, the humiliation that I had faced would not have been encountered. I paid a substantial amount of money for the psychiatrist services which could have been used for other more important purposes.
Some of the rules that we let stick in our minds were not beneficial in the long run. We had decided that we would never lend each other money which led to her screaming at me. It could not cross her mind that she could contribute a little money as I looked for other options. If we did not have enough money to go to Jamaica, we could choose a nearer destination where we would have fun as she turned thirty. Since she could not listen to me, we had no time to deliberate on the options. She could not even subconsciously think of lending me money due to the established the rules we had agreed. From this, we could not even go anywhere, but on the other hand, we went to seek for psychiatrics’ services. Had she reasoned a little, maybe, we would have made a smaller holiday where we would have had fun as well.
Rushed decisions and formed opinions are devastating and rarely give the correct answers to issues. The search for money is a vital task that requires calmness and patience. A distraction would lead to the loss of concentration and could end up being harmful to the whole plan (Doyle, 2008).
Obtaining loans for vacations and fun would be a mistake. Loans should be used for investment or for long term assets such as a house or a car. It should be well-managed to ensure that there is a minimum regret while repaying the loan. Loans that are spent on vacations or activities that can be evaded lead to regret and discontent later on. People feel like they are not obliged to paying the loan since there is nothing physical to show out of it.
Money can cause big crises in homes and between spouses. Poor financial management can have dire consequences that would result into slumps or omission of some of the important activities that the family had planned to carry out. This could have long lasting consequences. It is always good to determine worth before planning. A mistake in this would result into family crises that lead to squabbles and feuds between family members and their children.
Some people place themselves in classes they do not fit. They elevate their classes and living standards to spend more than they can afford. They are always in debts and in bad terms with people. It is therefore recommended that people live their lives in accordance to the amount of money they get after a given period of time.
Finally, it is important that money obtained from loans is well calculated and budgeted for. This will ensure that there will be proper spending of the money. The loan should not be in excess of what is needed for the particular project that the family wishes to start up. Deviation of the money from the intended purpose leads to poor use thus regrets and blames from the family members if things turn out badly.
It is evident that there is a lot of husband bullying in marriages today which is mental, and there is rarely physical abuse (Haugen, 2004). Such cases therefore lack court evidence and are generally resolved outside the courtroom. Ladies are weak physically but can really torture their partners by denying them the privileges of a married man such as cooking for the husband, yelling and false accusations, denial of conjugal rights among others.
Most of these originate from the laid down responsibilities. If the man is unable to provide, no matter the circumstances, he is treated as a failure and in most cases abused. The mental torture that men go through in marriage may be too hard for them to cope up with, and some even resolve to commit suicide. Others call for divorce or get depressed. However, a large group live with the torture and visit counsellors for psychological nourishment (Doyle, 2008). Some benefit from the therapies; while others do not.
Extended families and friends take a big role in the direction which the marriage moves to. Their advice should be taken with care since they could mislead easily. During such times, people need to be sober and critical to ensure that the differences between them and their wives are solved in the best way possible.
Care should be taken when a wife and a husband get into quarrels. Their children should not suffer due to their parents’ failures and misunderstandings (MacGee, 2000). This is because they are too innocent to make decisions on their lives, yet they would suffer the most. It is therefore recommended that misunderstandings between parents be handled in a manner that their children, especially the younger ones, do not know what could happen. This would save the children from a lot of mental torture and social confidence.
There are so many organisations that have been set up to fight for the rights of women due to the former man superiority. With the increased women’s crusades lobbying for equality, the roles have changed, and men are the ones experiencing violence. Therefore, special groups should be formed that will lobby and protect the rights of men who are at the moment languishing in stress and depression.