Marriage is an intimate union between a man and a woman for companionship and partnership. Marriage originates from the times of creation of man. In every community and society, people believed that marriage was initiated by the Supreme Being and was respected. However, most people have an opinion that marriage is the most problematic occurrence in life. This is because of the problems they experience under the umbrella of marriage. For Jane and Kelvin, marriage was the sweetest event in their lives at the beginning. Unfortunately, things changed, and marriage became the reason for their daily tears. With a help of perseverance and trust, they managed to change the situation and their marriage became interesting. To them, marriage is dynamic and depends of how the couple takes it (Lamanna & Riedmann, 2012).
It is interesting to research where couples meet and start their relationship, which results to marriage. Most couples are not born in the same area. They do not go to school in the same institutions or work together. Instead, they just meet and agree to live together as a man and a woman. There is no specific place that the couple should meet to plan their future. To understand some situations and places where couples meet, I will interview a couple and then analyze the answers they will give me to come up with a conclusion.
Jane and Kelvin have been married for the last two years. They are both Native Americans from New York. Jane is 34 years and Kelvin is 40 years old. Despite their age, they have one son who is two years old. Kelvin is a member of the defense force, while Jane is a business woman with a boutique in town.
Kelvin and Jane
Interviewer: Please tell us where and how you met your significant other?
Kelvin and Jane: (Jane is a bit nervous and Kelvin is excited and ready to give an answer).
"I met Jane in New York several years ago. It was the most interesting day in my life as I managed to meet a woman, whom I now call by my last name. I woke up to a lovely morning. As usual, morning birds were singing their sweet melodies to welcome the new day. The day seemed promising and it really ended as it promised. I was to take my friend Paul to town to see a girl he was dating. By that time, Paul was married but he had a young girl he wanted to spend time with. After arriving to town, Paul saw his date and left me confused on the street. He just forgot we were together. I turned around to see whether there was a kiosk I cold refresh with a soft drink. Unfortunately, there was no kiosk, but there was a Internet café just next to where I was standing. What I saw made me get in. There was a very beautiful woman seating on the official desk. I went in and started asking about the cafe and other baseless questions. After a couple of minutes, my friend came back and we had to go. I decided to leave my job identity card on the desk and pretend I have forgotten it so that I could get the lady to call me. It had my name and my phone number. After arriving home, I received a call from a new number. It was the woman from the cafe reminding me I had forgotten my identity card, and that was how I met her.
Interviewer: That’s great! Kelvin and Jane, can you please describe features of character or appearance of the spouse you were looking for before you got married?
Jane: I wanted to meet a financially stable man. I was only interested in Native Americans from either London or New York. I also wanted to meet a man who is not less than five years older than me. And that is the person I got.
Kelvin: I really had no idea about the spouse I wanted. In fact, I had never thought of that in life. However, beauty is the only factor I considered when choosing Jane. I never met her before but I believed she would make the best wife for me. My friend was astonished when she met Jane in my house two months later and wondered how could that be considering many times he tried to win her heart. Jane has proved to be the best.
Interviewer: People say that marriage is not a bed of roses. Have you had any challenges in your marriage and how did you solve them?
Jane: I have been married to Kelvin for eleven years now. The first two years were smooth with a lot of love and care. Unfortunately, I could not conceive, and we wanted a child. This made my husband upset and he started an affair with the house girl. I was so devastated and I chased the house girl out of my house since I did not want to share my husband. Kelvin decided to punish me for that and went for another woman from his village. It was painful to have that woman teasing me. She was only interested in our money and she ran way with $2000. Two years passed. We struggled and went on medication in an effort to conceive. Finally God heard my prayers and we were blessed with a baby Chris. This made my husband very happy and he treated me with respect since then.
Interviewer: kelvin and Joyce, would you please tell us how you treat your son when he does something wrong?
Jane: as the Bible states, “spare the rod spoil the child”. I find it my responsibility to correct my children whenever they do what is not expected of them. This is becsue I understand that if I do not correct them, they will be criminals in future and might lose their lives or live in jail forever.
Kelvin: the mother is too harsh on the kid. Sometimes I feel she is overdoing it especially when the boy is thoroughly caned.
Interviewer: Chris, you are very lucky to be the only son and the only child in the home. How do feel living your parents and no one else in the compound.
Chris: It is good to be the only child since the parents are able to provide you with everything you require. You have a lot of time with them and can share everything with them. However, it is sometimes boring to be alone. I feel lonely when my parents go for a special night out or a couple’s night and live me alone. I also miss having sisters and brothers like my friends have.
Interviewer: have ever been punished by your parents for doing something bad or the wrong way?
Chris: yes, I have been punished severally especially by mum. She is a tough mother who always emphasis on values and morals. I remember one day I decided to eat sugar and share with my friend. What I faced taught me how stealing is unacceptable at home and the entire society.
People get married for different reasons. The place where a couple meets is not planned. No one knows who their future spouse will be. However, there is one common aspect that makes people get married and remain together. Love binds people together and makes them forgive each other during challenging times. Some couples do not plan to get married. They only get married after getting a partner, who seems promising enough and makes them change their mind. Others have plans to get married and keep searching till they meet the person they believe fulfills their desire. Jane and Kelvin met each other in a situation that none had planned. However, they have managed to live together and love each other irrespective of the hardships. Infidelity is the main cause of challenges in a family. As indicated in the interviewed couple, partners tend to look for other friends to fulfill their desires whenever there is a problem. This is a wrong to use this method to solve problems.
Comparing with my family, my father and mother were traditionally married. Their parents selected the person they would like to marry their child. It was not their choice to select their own spouse. However, they accepted and loved each other. They have lived for over thirty years in marriage. Infidelity was also noticed in my family when my father decided to have an affair with my mother’s sister. The relationship was terminated by my grandfather after six months. Unfortunately, my aunt was already pregnant and gave birth to a baby boy. The child was accepted at home and we take him a brother.
Disciplining children is the parent’s role. It is important for parents to correct their children and lay a strong background for their values (Lamanna & Riedmann, 2012). As far as discipline is concerned, my father was the toughest. Unlike Jane and Kelvin’s home where Jane is the toughest, my father never entertained nonsense. He used to give us a thorough beating whenever anyone misbehaved. Dad ensured we are role models in the community and this is reflected up to date.
In conclusion, marriage is an ultimate union between two people with an aim of making a home together. People meet in different places and agree to stay together and make a home. Marriages have many challenges. In fact, if marriage is as bad as people perceive it, then why are over 90% of people still in marriage? As social scientist Brantley states, interpersonal relationship is the heart of every relationship, the way you communicate determines your understanding and your decision making in the relationship (2007).